They gave out EXCO forms the other day, and I didn’t take any.
I think it looked quite odd to everyone, since most of them had an intention to run for a leadership position. It did cross my mind once, to run for EXCO, but after meeting the people, I didn’t feel that I could communicate with them well enough to lead them. It’s not that they hate me or that I hate them. It’s just a personality gap that I feel around people who I cannot click with becuse I don’t believe that effort is needed to maintain a true friendship or collective spirit. It’s not that I don’t put in any effort to get along with others, because I do. But that’s where it ends as far as I’m concerned. It’s harder to go any deeper than that because there isnt any real mutual understanding, only mutual respect.
When I told my classmate that, she asked me why I didn’t even bother trying to run for it. I told her I had no rapport whatsoever with the people and even though I got along with them I don’t fit in, which is true. She asked me how I knew even before I started. And I told her again, its based on instinct, a gut feeling, and I trust my instincts a lot, because whenever I didn’t and tried to follow the crowd, I usually ended up unhappy.
Now, I’m not trying to portray her as demanding and insensitive. She just doesn’t seem to be the intuitive kind, that I know, because her organiser is so freaking neat and intricately decorated with stickers and coloured notings. I can’t imagine myself living like that, probably like how she can’t imagine herself living like me without anything to organise. She once told me that to do something she needs to write it down or she can’t do it.
Me? I don’t even OWN an organiser.
Speaking of organisation, I’m proud to say that I flunked my very first GP essay, as expected. 24/50. Not a very GOOD flunk, but a flunk all the same. I’m not really disappointed because firstly as I’ve mentioned millions of times before, I’m expecting it. And secondly, I don’t like GP, so I didn’t put a lot of effort into it in the first place. Also, I also did tell my teacher that too mcuh structure disrupts my train of thought(which is true) but he said I’d just have to get used to it, so I hope that justifies my stand that I suck at GP. OK, and I also did pick the hardest topic to write on, which wasn’t my fault, because I’m so new to argumentative essays that I can’t tell which questions are tricky and whcih aren’t. I usually go with essays that I have a good feeling about, but now that they’re all argumentative and non-reflective, I don’t have a good feeling about ALL of them, so I just randomly pick one.
According to my tutor, my organisation and planning sucks(He didn’t say that per se, but it pretty much had that meaning) even though I honestly DID try my best to structure it. Plus, he could tell that I came up with the points as I went along because I don’t think of the things before I DO them. I think of them as I go along and slowly build on them. I guess that was obvious, because he said that my points were screwed up and all over the place, showing that I came up with points as I wrote instead of thinking of them beforehand.
I’m going to start treating GP as a humanities subject now, instead of thinking of it as a higher level of English. That way, I won’t keep thinking about how my English has to sound good and powerful and can just focus on my points. Weird thing is, once I ignore my tone in writing and concentrate on elaborating on the points, the tone comes out more convincing that if I had tried to write it while thinking about it concurrently.
