I didn’t see this coming. I really didn’t. I really thought it’d work out for once in my life. It’s the last chance I’ll ever get, EVER EVER get, and because of some silly logistical problems due to my familys lack of possession of a car(or lack of ability to provide transport), I can’t apply for it.
Please don’t try to give me advice like, “Oh, you’ll have plenty more chances in University.” I won’t, and I know it. It isn’t just missing the chance to go to a PLACE, its the whole experience of staying withi a host family and soaking in their culture and lifestyle for 2 weeks. You have exchange programmes in University yes, but you stay in hostels. And it isn’t that I don’t like hostels, its not the problem of lousy lodging at all. It’s that there’s a huge difference between being hosted by a buddy in a real local family and living in a hostel on attachment. The latter isn’t personal at all.
I hope you understand how much this means to me.
I only just got enough courage to sign up for overseas trips this year when I started spending more time away from home and in school and learning to deal with stuff alone and independently. And now when I am confident enough to sign up for such programmes, I realise that circumstances ban me from doing so.
I’m tired of trying to find solutions to problems that I never created in the first place.
Now, I’m stuck in this position that I always am in whenever I have a problem. My problem are never simple. They’re never all black, or all white. It’s always like I can go with either option, but I need more information to do so, so that I will know what to anticipate or whether I should do something or another. But the information is usually never fully disclosed because its never confirmed, or if it is, its guarded closely till they ‘feel’ we should know.
I’m going to ask my German teacher for more details tomorrow, and some of my other classmates who went on the programme befoer as well. I hope to be able to work something out with the transport issues, because its just not fair that someone who doesn’t own a car isn’t allowed to go on an exchange programme just because he/she doesn’t have enough family members or vehicles to provide transport.
At this point, I’m hanging on to every strand of hope that I have, and I guess I’m appearing like a spoilt child. But the thing is, I was being ENCOURAGED to go on such trips and programmes, given all approval, so I thought that as long as I was willing to go(and if it is within spending limits) I could go. I didn’t harbour such high hopes for nothing, I had reasons for it, and now its jsut snatched away from me, from something that I totally did not see as a potential problem, something that most other people don’t see as a problem at all.
I can quote crayonpainting on my emotions now. It’s in one of her videos, its like “Cake cake cake cake cake………. You can’t have cake.”
